saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
