I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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