New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize