It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
