I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
