i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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