he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
