I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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