Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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