pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
