so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
so much tequila, so little girl.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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