I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize