Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
