so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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