She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize