I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
