It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
