If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
