Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
