Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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