I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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