Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
