when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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