Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
