Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
