just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
