Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
