I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
