and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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