Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
