And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
