Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
