OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
