Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
