if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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