How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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