the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want to be your penis for a week.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
