we have officially lost it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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