Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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