I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
