At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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