he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
