she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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