dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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