You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did i walk over a car last night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
