I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
