My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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