I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
