I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
