so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
