Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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