Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
