it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
