Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
