Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
