i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
