Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize