i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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