i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
