I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
