Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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