is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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