it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
