i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
