you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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