just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
