I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
