Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
